June 2021 – Run Read Repeat

What they don’t tell you before your first mammogram

In January I hit a milestone birthday, a new decade, a new age category for races. I turned forty. Along with turning forty comes the responsibility of getting your first mammogram. Truth be told I’m diligent about going to the dentist and to the gynecologist. When it comes to going to the eye doctor I generally go when I know my prescription needs to be adjusted. Don’t even get me started about routine bloodwork and physicals. I know, I know I need to do better. But this year I got my act together. I picked one day and did it all. Mammogram, physical, dermatologist. Check, check, check. And I had gotten the bloodwork done ahead of time. I was feeling quite proud of myself for getting everything done. I know you don’t rewarded for just doing what you are supposed to do, but I got it done.

So let’s talk a little about the mammogram experience. So maybe it’s just me but no one really adequately prepares you for this experience. I went to Advance Radiology because that’s where I went for all my ultrasounds with the boys and felt comfortable there. The very kind woman brought me back and clearly even with the mask on I had a deer in headlights look. At which time she said, “ah, it’s your first time.” Well, yes, yes it is and I’m basically terrified. She kind explained what was going to happen. That said, there’s actually no way to adequately prepare you for the squishing that occurs to your breast, but I digress. She had the presence of mind to say- “don’t worry if you get a call back letter; it happens all the time.” She said it. I heard it. I knew it was a possibility. But literally when the letter arrived I thought the worst. I spend so much time being super positive and thinking everything happens for a reason, but my mind when negative and then I couldn’t bring it back. I immediately scheduled the follow up mammogram and ultrasound. All the while, my brain was wondering how this could be possible?

I’d like to take a moment to talk about the letter. Now clearly, this was a letter written by a lawyer in anticipation of avoiding litigation. Somewhere along the line with medicine we lost sight of the human component. That a human being- ME or any number of other women whom I’m sure have received this or a similar letter are receiving the letter. The beginning is fairly benign (pun intended, only because I can laugh about it now).

Your breast imagine exam shows a finding that requires further imaging evaluation. While such findings are benign (not cancer), additional mammographic views and/or ultrasound is necessary to determine this. Ok, I get this part. They are trying to tell me that more views are necessary, could be benign, which leads to the possibility that things might not be benign. But then, there’s a huge section of By Maryland Law, we are required to provide you with the following information. Friends, there are then three long paragraphs of what they are required to tell me by law. Seriously?? Long and short of paragraph one: my breast tissue is dense. Oh and the determination of density is subjective and may vary from year to year. Paragraph two in summary: density is fairly common, BUT can be associated with an associated risk of cancer. Well, that cuts both ways. Density is common, but it could lead to cancer. What am I supposed to do with that information??? Paragraph three: we tell you this so you can figure out what to do with your doctor.

Like I said, as a lawyer, this was written with a potential lawsuit in mind and not with a human touch…at all. Keep this in the back of your mind, we will circle back to this when we get to the meeting with the doctor part of this saga shortly.k

I go for my follow up appointment at Advanced Radiology. If I was a deer in headlights the first time around, I probably looked like Bambi after seeing their mother get killed this time. First things first, they want to know where my referral is for the appointment. Hello, I’m here because you said I needed to come for a follow up. PS that lawyer written letter referenced above never made mention of getting a referral otherwise I certainly would have done so. So, now I have to wait for them to get my doctor’s office on the phone to get the requisite referral. Giving me plenty of time to worry. I thought I was fine though, had pulled myself together. But I got back into the room for the mammogram and the slow trickle of tears started. Again the technician was trying to be kind and explain that having a call back was “normal” and I likely wouldn’t even need the ultrasound too that they would probably get everything they needed from the mammogram. Alas, that was not the case and I needed the ultrasound too. Which of course triggers to me that something was clearly still showing up as wrong on the mammogram. Time for the ultrasound. Now, I’ve had an ultrasound before, but never have I had an ultrasound with so much pressure. Not only was it uncomfortable but I was also super worried so the tears continued. I wasn’t worried for myself per se, I was so worried about something being wrong and not being here for the boys. That’s what I couldn’t get out of my mind. The technician completed the ultrasound and said she would go speak to the radiologist and return. She came back and said “we will see you back in six months.” But why? If everything is OK why do I need to come back in six months. So again, I’m figuring something is still not quite right.

I reach out to my gynecologist who I expect to say, this is normal and no big deal. This is not the case. She calls me back. I missed the call because I was teaching and got a long message. The take aways being that she never treats anything like it’s benign and I should follow up with a breast specialist. So if I had finally gotten myself collected, that all fell apart and I went into full on panic mode.

Let’s talk a little bit about the second letter from Advanced Radiology: Your breast imaging exam performed on 5/11/2021 shows a finding we believe is probably benign (probably not cancer) but needs follow up. We would like you to return in 6 months to confirm the finding has not changed. Probably benign? What in the world does that mean. It means they don’t know with certainty otherwise it wouldn’t be probably. So again, maybe we shouldn’t use language in letters that can lead to speculation and concern. Maybe we should write letters like these as if a loved one was receiving it in the mail.

I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Sara Fogarty at GBMC Hospital. I had around two weeks to get in to see her. Two more weeks of pretending I wasn’t worried about it when in fact I was really worried about it. More worried about making sure I’m here for my children and husband. More confused as to how this could all be possible. On July 16 I had my appointment with Dr. Fogarty. I was convinced the appointment would lead to more follow up tests and worry. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Dr. Fogarty came in and couldn’t have been a nicer human being. The first thing she said “I’m not worried about these findings at all.” Insert deep breath. It was like she read my mind. She instantly knew that I had been completely worried about this for nearly a month. She took great time to read through the results with me, to show me on the screen the findings, to explain that I’m 40 years old and that’s why my breast tissue is dense as it should be. That the spot in question had no indicia of being malignant. I cannot sufficiently describe how kind, patient and nice Dr. Fogarty was to me. I felt completely comfortable after talking to her and realized that the unknown is what sparks so much worry. But you know what else? We can do better. The medical field can treat people like human beings rather than potential litigants in a lawsuit sending formal letters. And was quick to tell Dr. Fogarty this as well. She didn’t disagree. She was kind and receptive. And went one step further to explain what would happen next. For that six month follow up I would come to her office. There’s an Advanced Radiology there as well. I’ll get my mammogram/ultrasound and then I’ll see one of the people on her team to review the findings before I leave. No need to spend weeks worrying. My questions will be answered immediately. This is how it should be. I cannot even imagine the number of women like me who have spent hours worrying because of vaguely written letters designed to cover the rear end of Advanced Radiology. Let’s do better, let’s explain clearly, let’s return the human touch to medicine!

Having fun- learning and surviving in the summer

Show of hands- who is excited for not having to be up and out the door for school every morning?? How many of those hands are still up for those who like the idea of less structure but still need some structure? Do you follow? The idea of not having to get up at 5:00 AM and exercise, shower and get out the door by 7:30 AM is really a beautiful thing. As someone who stayed at home full time with the boys until they were school age, I also recognize that having a bit of structure in our day is critical for survival. While the years are short my friend, some days are LONG, very, very long.

Camp Mom has been a part of every summer. Truth be told some summers were purely Camp Mom. Last summer, for example was the summer of COVID, it was like Camp Mom on steroids because we couldn’t even go anywhere. But we aren’t there we are in 2021. The summer we get to go on family vacation again, the summer we return to camp for a few weeks, another summer where the boys and I have identified the key activities for Camp Mom. I’m not going to lie, I love that they call it that and I love that regardless of the other camp activities that they are signed up for in the summer they both specifically ask for some Camp Mom time too!

So in case you are wondering, I’m one of those Moms. What does that mean exactly? It means that I’m a card carrying Member of Lakeshore Learning. That we have books to stop the summer slide and we start each day with “morning work” after breakfast. I’m not talking hours, but enough time to keep using those skills they worked so hard to gain this year and keep their brains working. Truth be told we haven’t tested this Morning Work routine when actually going to camp, so time will tell for how it works during that time period. But for the first three weeks of summer break and the last three weeks of summer break there will be Morning Work! I’m talking about a little bit of phonics, reading and writing, some math. We make it fun and it’s how we start the day. Then we can check it off our list for the day.

Speaking of lists, I thought it was really important to create a check list of sorts to earn screen time this summer. We were blessed that when the boys’ school pivoted virtually l last year that Jackson received an iPad to take home for the summer and then through the school year. The time came for his iPad to get returned and we made the choice with the fact that we are fingers crossed going to have some family travel coming up to get them each a basic iPad. They love using apps such as Kodable, PBS Kids, EPIC Books, Brain Pop and Brain Pop Jr. In order to limit the number of times I get asked if they can use their iPads, we came up with a system. A daily check list, to get the must do items done before the want item of using the iPad. I’m fully aware that there are going to be some days that we don’t necessarily complete the checklist before getting the iPad time, but at least it’s a guide to strive for each day. Many of these items would/do happen without the use of the checklist, but it’s helpful to have a guide or wish list.

Butterflies make the Camp Mom to do list every summer. We’ve used the same kit for a number of years so we are going to live big and get a new one this year. I’ll order this kit in the next week or two so that we can have later July/Early August butterflies.

This summer we are going to have a new addition. Both boys love coding. Both boys love LEGO. What could be better than the ability to build and then code movements for a LEGO robot?? One of the boys’ STEM teachers was super helpful in determining what I should order. They don’t know it yet, but this week we are going to introduce Spike into Camp Mom. Take a look here! Scratch the they don’t know part- as they just walked up as I was typing. I got delayed as we set up the box of LEGO so that first thing tomorrow….after morning work we can begin building with Spike. Can’t wait to see what fun we can have with this new addition!

I might be the most excited about this next plan for Camp Mom, but I have a feeling the boys will be too. Somewhere along the line they both determined that they like poetry. Carter is obsessed with Shel Silverstein and Jackson loves writing acrostic poems. So, I’m putting together a little poetry unit for Camp Mom. We kicked it off today by making acrostic poems for Father’s Day cards for my dad. FYI POP POP doesn’t really lend itself to too many options, but we made it work. Next we are going to brainstorm words that we want to turn into acrostic poems. Some we will do as individual work but others we will do together and make them funny. It’s something simple but an activity such as this even allows Carter to be thinking about what words start with a particular letter and practice some penmanship all at the same time.

After lunch most days is a time for reading. Be sure to check out my previous post for some reading ideas. The reality is that we spend time reading off an on throughout the day but our organized reading occurs mid afternoon. Spoiler alert I frequently doze off during this reading time as it’s the first time I take a seat for the day. The boys use this as an opportunity to suggest that maybe we should watch a show for a bit so I can rest my eyes.

Outside time is also a must. However, this first week home the weather left a lot to be desired. Oh and we are dealing with cicadas. So we have been sticking indoors for the time being. Once the weather settles down and the cicadas go away we will spend time outside on the playground, playing lacrosse, tennis, in our deck pool. You can never go wrong with bubbles either.

Activities don’t have to be overly complicated and your choice in what to do doesn’t have to mirror ours, but I would argue that having a schedule keeps things on track and increases the chances of you maintaining your sanity. Pick things that you and your kids enjoy learning more about. Another example of a something we are going to work on in the coming weeks is learning all about Maine before our trip there later this summer. So every day isn’t necessarily the same. Our camp weeks will look different too. But I find that the boys and I thrive when we know what to expect out of the day.

Tell me what are you favorite go-to summer activities?

Baltimore Ten Miler- What goes up must come down!

In the past all my races have been planned fairly for in advance. The Baltimore Ten Miler was a different story. Ironically, ten days before a friend politely twisted my arm to sign up. Honestly, there wasn’t much twisting, I was happy to sign up for an in person race, BUT I heard the course was going to be brutal! It’s fairly hilly where I live and do my outdoor runs so in my mind I was thinking how hilly could it be? Famous last words! I opted not to drive the course. Part of me was afraid if I knew what was coming I would change my mind. I figured that once I had the adrenaline and people around me a tough course wouldn’t seem quite so hard.

The beauty of this race is that it was literally ten minutes from our house. Seems like that theme of ten keeps coming up again and again. This was one of the reasons I was quick to do the last minute registration. You can’t beat the convenience of a close race! As with any race we had to get there early to beat the traffic and road closures. My amazing husband and boys came along to cheer me on. Yes, with a 5:00 AM start on the Saturday morning after the last day of school they all got in the car to come along! When I first started racing I completely underestimated the value of having support at the finish line. In an attempt to make things easier I was always quick to say that I would go alone so my husband wouldn’t have to juggle to boys waiting for the race to start, me to actually run the race and then navigate the post race madness. But I quickly learned how nice it is to have them there. I’ve made it a habit to call a mile out just to say I’m getting close and they can be on the look out. Having family support is HUGE. And I would find out during this particular race how important it was for them to be waiting for me at the finish line!

The other great thing about this particular race was that parking was close to the start and finish!! (win!) The start and finish were at the same place (win)! So the boys got to experience the start of the race vibe. The partially got to experience this when I ran the Baltimore Half marathon but that was nearly two years ago. Also this was a much smaller race, so they got to be in the mix of things. They saw how everything was set up for pre-race. Last minute packet pick up, the long lines at the porta potties, the runners warming up. They got to see how the groups were going to line up to go to the start and the police getting ready to. They even got to meet the Police Chief. It was interesting to see the start through their eyes. We strategized for the best place for them to see me start and then to see me finish. It was a nice way to ease back into running in person.

Over time I’ve learned that I’m a cold weather runner. I thrive in high 40 to 50 degree weather for running and racing. This means that in the alternative warmer weather running/racing tests my body a little bit differently. I must have checked the weather 100 times leading up to race morning. The temperature and humidity growing each time I checked. Why do I keep checking when there is nothing I can do about it?? Ultimately it was nearly 70 degrees with 85% humidity at race time. Yuck! I opted not to wear my Camelbak because I find it somewhat claustrophobic and opted for my Spibelt with two 6 ounces water bottles. There were refueling stations along the way if I needed them. (I didn’t). I didn’t because I probably didn’t drink enough water during the race. I generally don’t drink too much when I run, but I barely drank 6 ounces over 10 miles. Given the temperature and humidity I should have drank more. This is not the first and I’m sure it won’t be the last time I saw I should have drank more during a race.

Ready- set- go! To fully understand this race- getting a handle on the elevation gain is important. Take a look at the elevation gain as according to my Garmin watch:

My pace for the first four miles was right on point to faster than I wanted it to be- 8:02, 8:09, 8:11, 8:29. Mile 5 was a bit slower at 8:55. Which makes total sense looking at the elevation change. Mile 5 I had a HumaGel pouch- caffeinated with double electrolytes. I knew that between mile 7 and 8 that there was going to be a monster hill so I wanted to get the pouch into my system to have a little extra oomph for what was certainly going to be the hardest part of the course. Mile 6 back to target pace at 8:26. Mile 7 a little slower at 8:51 and then take a look at the elevation game friends. At mile 7.5 the hill/mountain almost broke me. My heart rate was CRAZY high and I knew there was no way I could run the hill. So I power walked. It was at that moment I knew that my overall race time wasn’t going to be where I wanted it to be. But I also knew that I had to walk to regulate my heart rate and try to bring my core body temperature down just a bit. So mile 8 was a slow 9:50. Mile 9 back at target pace range 8:34. But then you see that dip going up to finish the race, I was toast and had another slower mile at 9:27. But then I managed to run in for the last tenth of a mile or so.

So what was I thinking when I felt like the course was breaking me? I remembered my training. I knew that I had the ability to go the miles, but that I had to factor in that the terrain is a major factor in overall success. I know I can run way more than 10 miles, but I also know that I have never run this route before and by golly it was HARD. Therefore I couldn’t compare apples to apples in regards to time. I was thinking that my amazing husband and boys were waiting for me at the finish and I needed to finish for them. But I also knew that the only one who cared about how quickly I finished was me! All they cared about was seeing me finish. I could have finished dead last and they would have been just as proud of me. I also tend to forget how far I have come in basically two years time. That two years ago, the first time I ran ten miles I was barely hitting 10 minutes per mile. I’ve gotten stronger and faster. I also underestimate my abilities in comparison to my peers. As in, I assume I’m so much slower than everyone else. You have a lot of time to think when you are running ten miles. My husband’s comeback when I doubt myself will always be, you ran a marathon by yourself! He’s right- if I can do that, I can do anything- including some crazy hilly course. Funny thing is the Baltimore Ten Miler is moving back to the City next year. I kind of wish they would keep it here. You know you are delusional when you are trying to figure out how to run the course that nearly broke you just the day before.

The day after as I write this I am surprisingly sore in ways that I have never been before. Interestingly enough the up hills for the most part don’t bother me. Except of course the one at mile 7.5 which was more like a mountain. I’m not very good at letting gravity take it’s course on the downhills. So my quads are KILLING me today!! What goes up, must come down and apparently fighting the coming down has tested muscles that haven’t been tested quite that way before. I was supposed to run a 5K this morning. When I got up to let the dog out- and saw the rest of my family sleeping every so soundly after getting up so very early yesterday morning and felt my legs walking the steps down to the kitchen I decided that I’d be skipping that 5K! Today I’m respecting my body’s need for a little time to recover!

So am I glad I ran the race? Absolutely!! Not every race is going to be a PR. Not every course is going to be easy. Doing hard things makes us better and stronger! Oh and overall, I did way better than I expected when I looked at the results. And you know what?? I’d run this course again- just not today!

The Return of Running in Person

The past year to eighteen months have been a roller coaster of emotions. We’ve mentally gone from strict stay at home to stay safe- to embracing the boys going back to school (what a blessing) to now what I call reacclimating (which apparently isn’t a real word) back into regular “normal” life. I’m not going to lie, I think I might need a class or at least a top ten list of things to do while I get myself back into society. Granted, I’ve been fortunate enough to be substitute teaching all year, so I haven’t been strictly at home. However, my social interactions have been pretty limited to family and our pod family. We will continue to navigate the ups and downs and modifications of life brought to us by COVID.

This time last year I was learning that the NYC Marathon was canceled. It made total sense, but broke my heart. This year I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the NYC Marathon is happening and I’m IN!! It’s hard to believe that it’s really going to happen. Quite honestly I won’t fully believe it until I’m waiting in Staten Island to cross the Verrazano Bridge. But even before November we are seeing the return of racing in “real life.” Many states have been ahead of Maryland and I’ve seen friends share their racing experiences for months, while I was getting antsy to run. Now is finally my chance. Go big or go home. Why run one race in a weekend if you can run two??

After not running an in person race since the “there’s some trail” all trail race in August some ten months ago I’m slated to run two this weekend. Saturday is a 10 miler (that I ran virtually last year) that I actually wasn’t going to run. There’s a smaller 5K that was my first race two years ago when I started running again that I wanted to have fresh legs to run. One thing led to another (some friendly peer pressure) and how could I pass up a real life race ten minutes from my backyard. The course is challenging and post COVID racing looks a little bit different than pre-COVID racing, but I signed up at the last minute. I’ve had nervous, excited energy about it all week. Deciding what to wear. Deciding how much water to carry. Just honestly being excited to run with the push of other people around me. I’ve totally dialed back my pace to a lot of easy runs of late because I was focusing on number of miles and staying injury free. So I’m not quite sure what my pace will look like. I have a target pace in my mind that I’ve been hitting on my outdoor runs; I would imagine with the adrenaline and running with others will shave a little bit of time off that target pace. We shall see. Really it’s about running my best race and time shouldn’t matter. If you’re new here, I put crazy pressure on myself, so I’m the one who needs to be reminded that it’s just about finishing the race.

I was so excited to share with the boys that I would be running a race. So, I must share a funny story that occurred over dinner regarding the race.

Me: I’m running a race this weekend.

J (age 7): Can we shoot you with water guns when you finish again? (this is what they did when I finished my virtual marathon)

Me: Not this time. It’s an in person race.

J: Wow, like a real race?

Me: Yes!!

J: How far is it?

Me: 10 miles.

J: That should be easy. It’s not very far.

I don’t know, I kind of think 10 hilly miles when it’s supposed to be in the 70s with 90% plus humidity is kind of far. Apparently even my children have become numb to the fact that running long distances is just what I do. That said, I’m feeling some butterflies getting ready this week. I started laying out my gear and thinking a bit more about my nutrition and water intake during the week to make sure I’m properly hydrated. I’m trying to get more sleep, but that’s a losing battle this week. As I’m typing this I’m laughing and thinking of something someone told me when I was a trial attorney. “If walking into the courtroom to start a trial doesn’t still give you nervous excitement you should find something else to do.” I believe racing is truly the same thing. If it becomes too old hat that you don’t get some butterflies before you toe the line, it’s time to find a new hobby! Fortunately the butterflies are flying and hopefully I will be too!